To go or not to go was never the question.

I have a split end an inch long, and my right eye is bloodshot beyond belief. But, I love Fridays! It has been a good past couple of days. I love being with my friends even when they drive me up the wall :).
My heart is really torn between a few things right now. Jesus is there to keep me stable and grounded. He just rocks like that. So, anyway, I've been spending time lately looking into master's programs and career possibilities. That's such a hard decision for me. Sometimes I just wish I knew what the crap I was doing and why. But, I'm not really worried about it anymore. I talked to the Lord about it, and He put it very well by telling me that I didn't have to worry about what I was going to be doing because it isn't necessary for me to be doing those things now. That was so simple, yet so great. I have much to be doing now, and I pray to God that I'll be faithful and pure in heart. I don't want to keep talking about all these passions that I have and yet do nothing about any of them.
I've just decided to keep reminding myself that I'm following the One who determines my purpose anyway. So many people know what they want to do and be, and yet they have no idea how to get there or who to follow. I'm just gonna take comfort in the fact that although I have no idea where I'm going, I know who I'm following, and He is the only one who can get me there. In the end, its worth it to make my Dad smile.
In the mean time, I figure its ok to dream big and work hard to be the best that I can be. My grandmother used to always tell me to keep my head in the clouds but my feet on the ground. haha. I think anyone who really knows me could vouch that I'm like that, and ya know what I like it.
I'm going; I don't know where, but hopefully, I'll see you there.

I'm a B, but its a B-eautiful day.

First thought when I woke up this morning was: "I'm cleaning. Our house is dirty, and I'm gonna clean it." I hate the way the house stays dirty all the dang time. Its so annoying to me; I get very tired of cleaning up after myself and everyone else, but hey, I guess that's life, and this is a learning experience.

Then, I decided to call my best friend ever, my mom. I miss her and Ethan so so so much. I can't wait to go home and just hang out with them. But, I talked my mom into coming and seeing me, so she'll be here in like two hours and is going to stay the night!!!! So, now I have extra incentive to clean the house. I'm just like my mom in that we both like clean houses to come home to.
I've also been doing some thinking about myself this morning which usually happens when I'm alone with scrubbers and mop in hand. I've been thinking how sometimes I'm a total B. I'm sure that I can get on my housemates nerves all the time with the way that I'm always complaining about the house being dirty or nobody doing anything to help out. But ya know what, that's just me. I'm sure I can stand for some change (who couldn't), but I'm a person, and those things are important to me.
On a different note, I don't feel like its necessary for me to be fake in anyway because people don't feel good about themselves. I mean, I'm nice to be people, help out when I can, share just about everything I own (makeup, food, clothes, gas). Don't get me wrong, I love sharing and by no means do I mean this in a proud sort of way, but I do what I feel is right. I don't feel like its necessary for me to hold back my feeling just so I won't hurt people's feeling. I'm basically honest. It can be brutal, but truthfully its usually not--just straight-forward.

The world needs structure--people need structure. Sometimes I think that some people are just tools of structure. Maybe I'm just a tool of structure. My constant grinding and complaining is just a necessary backboard for others to sound off of. Or maybe, I just think that in order to somehow romanticize how unpleasant I am.

Oh well, I just went for a good run and then worked out my abs. I smell disgusting. All is well though cause my mom is on her way here as I type.

Blog numero uno

I should not be awake. I should be sleeping.
I should not have eaten those cheese fries. I should go to the gym tomorrow.
I should not have flipped that guy off at my work today (even though I was kidding).
I should probably take a shower and do everyone a favor, including myself.

All things taken into consideration, I should really be a better person by now. I freaking screw up so much. I ignore so many blatant warnings and dive head-first into trouble. That's my culture. My culture is to speak before thinking and act rashly. I'm trying to change, and I'm sure I'm getting better.

I suppose that I really just described every person on the planet, but maybe thats the foundation of culture--trial and error and just figuring out what works for you. Psh, what works for me is mercy and forgiveness. Thank goodness God is so patient.

Anyway, this blog is hereby dedicated to the forthcoming random acts that my life will entail. I'll probably just ramble and share about whatever pops into my head. I recognize that this is mostly for my own good, but if you happen to stumble upon this and spend more than 11 seconds reading what I've allowed to explode from my finger tips onto your computer screen, then well, have a little taste of my life and enjoy as best you can.